Deliberate Acts of Kindness - Book Notes

Recently I read Deliberate Acts of Kindness by Meredith Gould. 

The author examined how service is a spiritual practice. Below are some points from the book that I found interesting: 

Eight Degrees of Tzedakah

1. To give grudgingly, reluctantly, or wit hregret;

2. To give less than one should, but with grace;

3. To give what one should, but only after being asked;

4. To give before one is asked;

5. To give without knowing who will receive it, although the recipient knows the identity of the giver;

6. To give without making known one's identity;

7. To give so that neither giver nor receiver knows the identity of the others;

8. To help another to become self-supporting, by means of a gift, a loan, or by finding employment for the one in need.

"Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead," wrote James in an epistle to members of the early church.

Buddhists...practice generosity, morality, renunciation, patience, truthfulness, determination, loving-kindness, and evenmindedness.

List what you think are totally perfect ways for you to serve, letting reason and logic dictate your choices. 

Ask yourself: "What sort of person would I like to become?"

"Fill yourselves first and then only will you be able to give to others." St. Augustine

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

- LEVEL 1 - Physiological Needs - air, water, food, clothing, shelter, sleep

- LEVEL 2 - Safety and Security Needs - order, stability, certainty, routine, familiarity, protection from fear and disease, physical safety, economic security, freedom from threat

- LEVEL 3 - Social Needs - love, acceptance, belonging, affection

- LEVEL 4 - Esteem Needs - respect and recognition from others, self-respect, a sense of prestige

- LEVEL 5 - Self-Actualization Needs - peak experiences, fulfilling a sense of self and calling, opportunities for learning and creating at higher levels

Grant us ears to hear,
Eyes to see,
Wills to obey,
Hearts to love; 
Then declare what you will, 
Reveal what you will, 
Command what you will,
Demand what you will. 
- Christina Rossetti

While it may seem only logical to serve the homeless if you've been homeless, counsel battered women if you've been one, or to do hospice work if you've watched a loved one die without dignity, you may not be emotionally ready to serve in these ways.

As you behold evidence of tragedy, waste, abuse, and simple ignorance in people's lives get into the habit of asking yourself: What would make a difference? How could I make a difference? 

Combine service work for others with R&R for yourself by looking into volunteer gigs at museums, theaters, concert halls, nature preserves, or community playgrounds. 

"The way you begin to change the world is through service." Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Gig is Right for You If...

- You not only respect but like people in charge - their values, dedication, and human decency.

- You feel immediately at home with other volunteers, sensing they're exactly the kind of folk with whom you want to spend time. 

- You experience a sense of satisfaction despite whatever frustrations and disappointments quickly - or gradually - emerge. 

The Gig is Wrong for You If...

- You feel entirely too overwhelmed by the enormity of what needs to be done. 

- You can't help but notice that everyone is a heck of a lot nicer to those being served than they are to anyone on the volunteer staff. 

- You not only start dreading the prospect of showing up, but you unconsciously - or consciously - act out by arriving late or calling in sick or too busy.

"Charity begins at home." - Terence

Agree to serve on a trial basis. Establish a mutually acceptable period of time to check out the setting, staff, and other volunteers. Committing to at least one month and preferably three will give you - and them - an opportunity to experience the match. 

Do all the good you can,
by all the means you can,
in all the ways you can,
in all the places you can, 
all the times you can, 
to all the people you can, 
as long as you can.
- John Wesley

Start a prayer journal when you begin a new type or place of service. Note what you're being called upon to do and record any thoughts, feelings, and attitudes that emerge as a result. 

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love, 
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy. 
O divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek 
To be consoled, as to console, 
To be understood, as to understand, 
To be loved, as to love, 
For it is in giving that we receive; 
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life. 
- St. Francis of Assisi

"Compassion is the only source of energy that is useful and safe." Thich Nhat Hanh 

Model loving self-care by canceling your appearance and staying home when you have a splitting headache, drippy nose, moist cough, or fever. One of your gifts to the world should not be your germs. Showing up sick is not heroic, it's inconsiderate. 

If you can't seem to arrive on time, something else - like resistance - is going on. Maybe you're in the wrong environment entirely. 

You were led to the perfect place to doing as well as being, and now you're deep into wondering: "Is it still God's grace if I hate it?" What happened? This divinely inspired service gig is not the slightest bit illuminating, it's more heart-hardening than opening, and for sure you are not having fun. Unfortunately, you're also beginning to love watching lots of incredibly stupid TV because it takes your mind off the nonsense that goes on in the name of serving others. You're feeling lousy physically, never fully able to share the dull headache...Welcome to the shadow side of service. 

Every six months, take the time to reassess what you are doing and where.

Boundaries are the limitations you set on what you perceive as insensitive behavior coming from others. The more firm the boundary, the greater your protection.

Establish a healthy separation between private and public worlds by creating a ritual to mark your entrance into and departure from service situations. 

"We must be the change we wish to see in the world." Gandhi

Do not underestimate the stress of being around a lot of noise from people, equipment, traffic, and natural disasters. The best antidote to noise is silence. Make sure you eliminate or at least significantly reduce all aural stimulation as soon as you can. Listen to soothing music on your way home. Once home, turn the phone, television, and other noise off. You need a period of silent "down time" to calm body, soul, and spirit after a tough day of giving. 

5x5 for August 2022

There's a swap on Swapbot that I signed up for called 5x5 in which there's a list of five things and you list five items for each one. Here are my answers:

5 websites you visit every week 

On a daily basis, I go to Outlook (to check and send emails) and Facebook. Other websites that I go to, but not on a daily basis are: 

Ancestry - I have been doing more with filling in my family tree recently. My sister and I have been working together to go through items that belonged to my parents who died in 2012 and 2015. We are in a much better frame of mind now to go through photographs and other memorabilia, scan the items, and then upload them onto each ancestor's record. 

My dad in his younger years.

One thing that we also have been doing is searching for information about how each relative died since Ancestry lists their age at their time of passing, but not the cause. My sister and I have ordered some death certificates for relatives (grandparents, great-grandparents, great-great-grandparents) and are seeing a pattern in terms of health conditions. We also are seeing a lot of ancestors who died in their 50s and 60s which is rather surprising. 

My mom in her younger years. 

My favorite part, though, is definitely uploading photos and finding newspaper articles about ancestors. Reading and looking at their Life Stories paints a much better - more personal - view of who our ancestors were and what their lives looked like.

iNaturalist - I opened a free account in March 2020 and have uploaded photos of animals, insects, flowers, trees, and shrubs. So far, I have uploaded 1,371 observations which reflect 466 species. The most frequently seen things I've seen are: white-tailed deer (23 observations), goldfinches (19 observations), gray squirrels and black-capped chickadees (18 observations each), and ruby-throated hummingbirds, house wrens, and robins (15 observations each). 

Black-capped chickadee at the oriole feeder.

The most frequently seen amphibian I've seen is the American toad (8 observations) and reptile is the painted turtle (7 observations).

For plants, the most common thing I've seen is milkweed (11 observations) and red-berried elder (7 observations).

Pinterest - When I was homeschooling my daughters, I would use Pinterest to gather ideas for different subjects. There were so many creative ideas for hands-on projects that we've done over the years. I also use the website for ideas for projects for county fairs, holidays, birthdays, and recipes. 

Currently, I have over 13,400 pins. That's a lot. Will I be able to do them all? Not in my lifetime. What would be good to do is to go back on them and delete what I won't be doing and then start making more of an effort to try some of the pins - like this window star I made after seeing this pin.

5 people from history you'd invite to a tea party 

My first answer would be five ancestors - my dad, mom, and grandparents on both sides of my family. That would actually be six, though. However, I don't think that's what the question means. 

From a historical standpoint, I would like to invite five people from different times, beliefs, and faiths to a tea party. My five would be:

- Jesus - because of his commitment to his beliefs and wanting to share them with others, how he inspired others to lead better lives, and how his legacy lives on through the lives of people throughout the world.

- Martin Luther King, Jr. - Although he died at only 39 years old in 1968, he had a tremendous impact on the Civil Rights Movement.

- Mother Teresa of Calcutta - She was a Catholic nun who dedicated her life for caring for the destitute and dying in the slums of Calcutta (now known as Kolkata). She received the Nobel Peace Prize in 1979 and, after her death, was canonized as St. Teresa.

- St. Francis of Assisi - He is the patron saint for ecologists because of his boundless love for animals and nature. There's a quote that is attributed to him: "Start by doing what's necessary, then do what's possible, and suddenly you are doing the impossible."

Source

- Betty White - Although she was a comedian, she defended civil right, condemned racism and homophobia, advocated for marriage equality, and advocated for animal rights and welfare. 

5 topics you'd like to know more about 

- Dog allergies and natural ways to address them. One of our dogs has allergies and the vet said that sometimes it can be an allergy to chicken. We've removed chicken from his diet since May along with giving him two allergy shots - one in April and the other in May - and he seems to be doing so much better. I want to see what other things we can do to further improve his skin (he has dandruff which can be a reflection of allergies) and coat. 

- Endangered trees. When I was at Kew Gardens in England I came across a sign by a tree that was endangered. I had no idea that trees could be endangered. Animals...yes...but trees? I need to read more about what types of trees are at risk of being endangered in the United States and/or extinct.

- Utopian communities that existed in the United States. There were many Utopian communities set up in the U.S. in the 1800s. Only a couple survived into the early 1900s...with the Amana Colonies being the only one to make it to 1932. There were more Utopian communities started in the 1900s. Interestingly, there are a handful that still exist today.

- Photography and taking more "professional" photos. Ideally, I would upgrade my camera to one that has better clarity when printing photos. Currently, I have a Nikon D3400 which has 24 megapixels. However, I would like a camera that has more than 24. We'll see...with better quality comes a higher price. 

- Service as a spiritual practice. I ordered a book from the library called "Deliberate acts of kindness: service as spiritual practice" by Meredith Gould. I found the book on Pinterest and it piqued my interest. The book is basically a handbook for volunteers that explores the significance of service as an expression of spirituality, and provides advice on discovering the type of work that best suits you.

5 things you'd like people to know about you 

- I was raised by two parents who loved me unconditionally and provided a childhood filled with simple - yet memorable and meaningful - pleasures. It was the little things that truly created a childhood that I can look back upon with good memories. 

My brother, me, and my sister either in 1974 or 1975.

We had just moved into our new home that my parents 

worked with an architect to design.

Things were financially tight back then, 

yet I remember being so happy on Christmas Day. 

As I look back, there weren't a lot of presents, 

yet my parents made it feel like there were. 

It was these traditions that we'd return to and 

treasure with each passing year. 

- I have two daughters who were born in China and adopted by my husband and me in 2001 and 2003. They truly have blessed my life more than they will ever know. 

My parents, daughters, and me in Grand Marais, Minnesota.

September 8, 2010.

- I love animals - especially dogs - and having them be a part of our family. I can't imagine my life without having dogs. We had two corgis when I was growing up. 

Here's my brother with our first corgi. 

He was such a good dog.

Since 1990, as an adult, I've always had at least one dog. We have four dogs now which I like. I've never had that many at one time, but it is fun to see them all outside in the backyard or sitting nicely together waiting for a treat. 

Olivia and Sophia with Aspen, Cooper, Danny, and Scooby.

- Service is a HUGE part of my life and values. Growing up I volunteered and am thankful to my parents for integrating that into my life. When I began homeschooling Sophia and Olivia I made sure that service and volunteering was a significant part of their education. Since 2017, I have been involved with the local Lions Club and coordinate the majority of their service events.

One of the events I thought of during the pandemic was a 

drive-through breakfast with the Easter Bunny. 

It was so well-received that in 2022 we did a 

breakfast with the Easter Bunny again, 

but this time inside the community center. 

- I am an off-the-scale introvert. Consistently, whenever I have taken personality tests, I am to the far side of being an introvert. I am the complete opposite of people who are extroverted who get their energy from others. I find that being around others and having to talk (especially small talk) literally drains my energy. After any gathering, I need to spend time alone to re-energize myself and feel like I can interact with others again.

5 simple joys others might overlook

- A fire in the woodstove on a cold winter day.

Homeschooling in front of the woodstove.

Olivia was 5 and Sophia was 7.

January 19, 2008.

- A sunset or sunrise.

A sunset on November 22, 2021.

- A meal together as a family.

Mother's Day 2021.

- Watching butterflies, bees, hummingbirds, and hummingbird moths visit flowers in the yard. 

Bumblebee on monarda.

Hummingbird moth flying towards monarda.

Look at the curled up proboscis. 

- Fresh produce from the garden - either eaten raw or steamed. 

Beans and carrots - just picked and cooked. Yum!

My Favorite Photos - June 2022

June was a full month with lots of activities. It started with a family trip to London and Edinburgh to celebrate Olivia's graduation from (homeschool) high school. We were able to go thanks to points Paige had collected through business travel through the years. 

We came back to overly-grown grass and flowers blooming. From the 8th through the 24th, I spent a tremendous amount of time weeding the gardens, cleaning the house, and getting ready for Olivia's graduation party on the 25th. 

The month closed out with my birthday on the 29th and Sophia's half-birthday on the 30th. 

Out of the literally thousands of photos I took during June, I've narrowed it down to the following photos (which is still quite a few...so feel free to quickly scroll through them). 

Olivia and I spent the morning on June 1st together while Paige and Sophia slept in and moved the luggage from one hotel to another one. This is Olivia on the Millenium Bridge with St. Paul's Cathedral in the background. 

We took a tour of the Globe Theater.

On the fence, there were lots of little animals:

Afterwards, we went to Tate Modern. I was able to get the last ticket for the Yayoi Kasama Infinity Mirror Rooms back in April when the tickets went on sale. While she did that, I looked around the museum. There was an intriguing exhibit that had all these tiny components that were connected. 

After we had lunch at Tate Modern, we walked over St. Paul Cathedral where we met Paige and Sophia. 

Every part of the cathedral was breathtaking - from the ceiling...

to the artwork on the walls.

Olivia and I went up the 528 steps to the top of the cathedral. The passageways were, at times, dark and narrow. 

There were a lot of spiral staircases.

Finally, we reached the Stone Gallery. This was 376 steps up.

People could either choose to go back downstairs or go up another 152 steps to the Golden Gallery. We went up another 152 steps. The view was amazing!

Before leaving, I lit three candles in memory of my dad, mom, and grandparents. 

The girls and I went to Chinatown in London.

There were these little pastries that had a cream filling. They are called taiyako.

On June 2nd - when the Platinum Jubilee parade was happening (with thousands of people crowding the mall), we went to the Tower of London. Here Sophia is with one of the Yeoman Warders, a ceremonial guard who oversees the Tower of London.

The buildings - built hundreds of years ago - were beautiful and rich with detail. This is a view of a ceiling and the circular light.

This is the White Tower that was built by William the Conqueror during the early 1080s. It is the castle's strongest point from a military view, and provided accommodation for the king and his representatives. There was a chapel in this building as well. 

There was a museum at the Tower of London that focused on the armor that the knights wore. This one even had protection for the knight's fingers. 

The Tower of London is close to Tower Bridge, which Sophia and I toured a couple of days prior to this one. We walked up one side of the tower, walked across both "upper bridges" that have a partial see-through floor, and then walked down the other side of the bridge. Lots of walking!

After our tour of the Tower of London, we walked a bit and found a place to eat. I had read that for part of the Queen's Jubilee that there would be a flyover. People were lined up all along the river and on the bridge. Olivia went back towards the river and was able to see the planes before they got into the "70" formation (to acknowledge the Queen's 70 years on the throne).

After that, there were nine planes (I believe) that had red, white, and blue smoke.

We took a boat on the river to get to another part of London. As we were going under a bridge, the guide pointed out that we were going under London Bridge. It's a rather unassuming bridge that has been rebuilt multiple times. 

There were a lot of seagulls, but no other waterfowl like we saw at St. James's Park (near Buckingham Palace) in late-May.

We saw the London Eye. About 15 people can fit in one of those pods. We opted not to go on the ride since we had already seen London from St. Paul's Cathedral.

While we were on the boat, there were people dressed in red, white, and blue as well as those carrying flags. It was a day of celebration and everyone was in a good mood.

The Houses of Parliament were beautiful - especially the top of the building.

Big Ben was nearby.

Before leaving the boat, I had Olivia stand by a cutout of the Queen.

Then it was Sophia's turn.

On June 3rd, we went to the Natural History Museum. This is the first thing that you see when you enter the building - an escalator that takes you through the Earth. 

There was a section about birds that was fascinating. Not only did they display different types of birds, but they also explained differences between them, things to note (e.g., how they hear), and if they were endangered or extinct. 

One of the things I was surprised to see were two of the Blaschka Glass Models of sea creatures. I knew that Scotland had a collection of them (which I would see later in June), but didn't know that London had some. These glass models are all handmade. The artists who made them didn't share how they were made, so no one - to this day - knows how they were able to make them.

We went to Harrods and found items that were both extravagant and expensive. This bed set and light caught Olivia's and my eye because it was over-the-top...not like anything we would see in Minnesota. The palm tree with "lavish hand-dyed ostrich feathers" was 2,200 pounds or about $2,660. 

We went to the bookstore at Harrods and came across this 10,000 pound ($12,094) book. I told Olivia that she should flip through it because chances are she would not be touching a $12,000+ book again. 

In the evening, we went to a service at Westminster Abbey. It was absolutely spectacular on the inside. They did not want anyone to take photos of the Abbey during or after the service which was understandable.

One of the fun things that was done in celebration of the Queen's Jubilee was the placement of artist-painted Corgi statues around the city. We happened to spot one in a park as we were walking back to the Underground station. 

On June 4th, we took the train from London to Edinburgh. We saw lots of sheep farms along the way. 

One of the first places we went after getting settled at our hotel was Calton Hill. There were quite a few unique, historical buildings there. This one is the Old Observatory House that was designed by James Craig, the planner of Edinburgh's first New Town. It was built in 1776 in Gothic-Scots Baronial style. 

This is a white-tailed bumble bee. I've never seen one before. They are black and yellow on the top half and white on the bottom half. 

This is the National Monument that was designed by Charles Cockerell and William Playfair. They were inspired by the Parthenon in Athens and wanted to commemorate Scottish servicemen who died in the Napoleonic War. Funds were raised for building it and work started in August 1822. Only the 12 columns that are seen today were ever completed. 

This is Nelson Monument. 

After spending time on Calton Hill, we took a bus to Portobello. We walked about a block to get to the beach. There were colorful doors to homes along the way.

We walked on the beach and got our feet wet in the North Sea. 

There was a metal marker on the beach.

And moss/seaweed-covered rock formations. Not sure the purpose of them.

On June 5th, we took the bus and then walked to Edinburgh Castle. The buildings along the way were made mostly of brick and stone.

In the Castle, the views were spectacular.

Edinburgh Castle was even larger and more impressive than the Tower of London. One of the buildings was a chapel that King David I built around 1130. He named it for his mother, Queen Margaret, who was said to have performed many acts of charity. She was canonized by Pope Innocent IV in 1250. 

After visiting the castle, we explored Old Town. This is Victoria Street where there were a lot of colorful storefronts. 

Another view of Victoria Street. 

Many of the streets in Edinburgh were cobblestone. 

We heard bagpipe players. This one is tuning his bagpipe.

There was another bagpiper that we listened to also. Figured we wouldn't have opportunities to listen to live bagpipers anytime soon in Minnesota. 

We visited St. Giles' Cathedral. There were candles lit in memory of loved ones...

amazing stained glass windows...

and incredible architecture with bold, beautiful colors.

We went to the Scottish National Museum where we saw the Millenial Clock. It went off at 3 p.m. and all the different levels had activities on them. It was very impressive. 

The museum seemed like a hodgepodge of items. This dress was in the Fashion area. For a size comparison, Olivia is about 96 pounds and 4'8". She may have fit into that dress, but it would have been tight. The adult women back when this dress was made must have been super tiny.

This is another one of the glass sea creatures. The National Museum of Scotland had an impressive collection of these glass items.

On Monday, June 6th, we took the train back to London and stayed one more day. We each did our own things that we wanted to do. So, I took a walking tour that went from an Indian area to the Shoreditch district. It's considered the "cool" area of the city. There is art on the sides of building.

A chainlink fence full of locks. It was supposed to be a temporary exhibit about ten years ago. Looks like it became a permanent one instead. 

I liked this painting on the side of a wall. 

It was time to return home. This is my seat (or pod) on the plane. I liked the privacy and the fact that I could stretch out my legs and recline the chair. This is in business class and well worth the points that Paige had saved. 

We got the dogs on June 8th in the morning and they were so happy to see us. We brought them home and they were tired. Aspen slept much of the 8th. She knew she was back home and could sleep soundly. 

Scooby looked all clean and fluffy after getting groomed at the kennel.

Danny made himself comfortable on Sophia's bed while she was asleep.

And Cooper...he was just happy to be back home. He looked a lot better after having about two weeks on a non-chicken diet and a bath with medicated shampoo. He also had an allergy shot before we left, and I think his skin is doing much better now. 

When we came back home, the flowers were in full bloom. The bearded irises were at their peak or past it.

The peony in the backyard garden was blooming for the first time!

The honeysuckle was blooming for the first time too.

I love looking at the pattern of plants.

The wild columbine was covered with flowers.

The bleeding hearts, too, were blooming under all the pine trees in the front yard.

The lilies that I inherited from my mom and dad were blooming by the driveway.

The northern flag irises were blooming in the west pasture. The bumblebees were flying from one flower to another.

On June 20th, Olivia and I went to the Page Education Foundation's celebration of the 2022 Page Scholars. Olivia is one of them. (Sophia also is a Page Scholar from 2019 to now.) She is standing with Mike Elliott - the mayor of Brooklyn Center  and a Page Scholar Alumni - and Justice Alan Page. Justice Page was once a Minnesota Viking. While he was playing football, he also went to law school and became the first African-American on the Minnesota Supreme Court. 

On the 22nd, the Lions were giving away 200 native plants to anyone who stopped by our booth. We also collected a variety of items that supported our goals of vision (eyeglasses), pediatric cancer (pop tabs for the Ronald McDonald House), and the environment (lead tackle to be recycled properly). 

On the 25th, we had a party for Olivia's graduation. Here she is with her speech therapist who she worked with for over a decade. Needless to say, Laurie and Olivia are good friends. 

The director of Gammelgarden Museum came in full Swedish dress after being at the Midsommar festival at the museum. She gave Olivia the opportunity to do some video work from January through April for the museum. Because of that, she now will be on the video/tech team at college!

Olivia is standing by her cake, graduation gown, and college pennant. 

The cake was for 96 servings. About half the cake was eaten at the party. So, we have quite a bit of cake we've been eating since the party.

Olivia made display boards with photos from her life. This is one of four boards that she did. People said they enjoyed seeing all the photos. 

One thing that we did for Olivia's party was hang up clothes on a clothesline: the little pink snowsuit we met her in on November 17, 2003; a black dress we bought in China that she wore around the age of 3; her First Communion dress that my mom and I made; a blue pioneer dress - one of many costumes she wore; her Tang Soo Do outfit that she wears twice a week when she does lessons; and her graduation cap and gown.

People brought their dogs to the party. This is Sophia with one of the dogs. 

Olivia is holding Howie who is 15 weeks old. 

Nessa, Ashley, Olivia, Sophia, and Lexi all will be at Bethel next year. With the exception of Olivia who will be a freshman, the rest are all seniors. They are all such great young women!

More flowers were blooming later in the month. I like this unusual one.

The shrub rose is still blooming.

The nodding onions are sending up their flowers.

The hostas, ferns, and bleeding hearts all are doing exceptionally well this year. I'll need to divide them next year.

One of my nightmare plants is thistle. It has been spreading in one corner of the pasture and in Olivia's garden she planted two years ago. I have been pulling it up during June. However, in the pasture, I left it and was surprised at the number of bees and butterflies visiting it. So, I guess it does have a good purpose.

Closing out the month, we got to see the second nest of black-capped chickadees be born. These are only a few days old and totally dependent on the mother. They don't have feathers yet and their eyes are still closed. 

So...that was June. July doesn't have nearly as much going on. So, there will be significantly less photos that I will be taking this month.