A Short Guide to a Happy Life - Book Notes

On my GoodReads list, I have A Short Guide to a Happy Life by Anna Quindlen as a book I wanted to read. This week I read it. It is, indeed, a short book - only 50 pages with a good percentage of them full-page black-and-white photos. 

Despite its short length, there was a lot of good information in it. Some highlights include:

- No man ever said on his deathbed I wish I had spent more time at the office.

- John Lennon said,, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

- You are the only person alive who has sole custody of your life...your soul.

- I am a good mother to three good children. I have tried never to let my profession stand in the way of being a good parent. I no longer consider myself the center of the universe. I show up. I listen. I try to laugh.

- Turn off your cell phone. Turn off your regular phone, for that matter. Keep still. Be present.

- Get a life in which you are not alone. Find people you love, and who love you.

- Get a life in which you are generous. 

- Life is glorious, and that you have no business taking it for granted. 

- All of us want to do well. But if we do not do good, too, then doing well will never be enough.

- It is easy to waste our lives: our days, our hours, our minutes. 

- It is so easy to exist instead of live. 

- It's ironic that we forget so often how wonderful life really is. We have more time than ever before to remember it. The men and women of generations past had to work long, long hours to support lots and lots of children in tiny, tiny houses. The women worked in factories and sweatshops and then at home, too, with two bosses, the one who paid them, and the one they were married to, who didn't.

- Those of us who are second and third and fourth generation (immigrants) are surrounded by nice cars, family rooms, patios, pools - the things our grandparents thought only rich people had. Yet somehow, instead of rejoicing, we've found the glass half empty. Our jobs take too much out of us and don't pay enough....Let's be honest. We have an embarrassment of riches. Life is good.

- I learned to love the journey, not the destination. I learned that this is not a dress rehearsal, and that today is the only guarantee you get. 

- Think of life as a terminal illness, because, if you do, you will live it with joy and passion, as it ought to be lived. 

- School never ends. The classroom is everywhere. The exam comes at the very end. 

Bittersweet - Book Notes

A few months ago, the pastor at church had mentioned a book he read while on sabbatical called Bittersweet - How Sorry and Longing Make Us Whole by Susan Cain. His sabbatical focused on grief and loss, so I was curious to check this book out of the library and see what it was about.

Although there were some parts that resonated with me, the majority of the book seemed like it was meant for someone else. I did find the section about how creativity can be associated with sorrow and longing particularly interesting. 

At any rate, here are the parts that were most interesting to me: 

- Humans are wired to respond to each other's troubles with care. This instinct is as much a part of us as the desire to eat and breathe.

- Sad moods tend to sharpen our attention: They make us more focused and detail-oriented; they improve our memories, and correct our cognitive biases. 

- What if we took whatever pain we couldn't get rid of, and turned it into something else? We could write, act, study, cook, dance, compose, do improv, dream up a new business, and decorate our kitchens; there are hundreds of things we could do, and whether we do them "well," or with distinction, is beside the point. This is why "arts therapy" - in which people express and process their troubles by making art - can be so effective, even if its practitioners don't exhibit their work on gallery walls. 

- Whatever pain you can't get rid of, make it your creative offering - or find someone who makes it for you.

- Min Kym, a famous violinist, had her violin stolen. "The moment my violin was stolen, something died in me....I have to accept that the person I was with the violin gone. But I've been reborn....There's space now for a new me to emerge....When you do recover from any loss - when you heal, when your soul starts to heal from the shock - a new part grows." 

- In our house, getting into a good college was the holy grail. My mother dreaded my departure, but even more she desired my success.

- May I be free from danger, May I be free from mental suffering, May I be free from physical suffering, May I have ease of well-being.

- May I be safe, May I be happy, May I be healthy, May I live with ease. 

- A mother who developed Alzheimer's kept saying to her daughter, "I just want you to know what a good daughter you've been. I just want you to know." She would say this every single time the daughter called and visited. I won't be able to tell you much longer, so please remember how much I love you. A good daughter, a good daughter, you've been such a good daughter." 

The World According to Mister Rogers - Book Notes

 Recently I came across two books by Fred Rogers at the library. The first one I read is The World According to Mister Rogers - Important Things to Remember. It's a short book, yet one filled with a lot of wisdom and things to reflect upon. Below are some of my favorite passages from the book. 

- Some days, doing "the best we can" may still fall short of what we would like to be able to do, but life isn't perfect - on any front - and doing what we can with what we have is the most we should expect of ourselves or anyone else. 

- It takes strength to face our sadness and to grieve and to let our grief and our anger flow in tears when they need to. It takes strength to talk about our feelings and to reach out for help and comfort when we need it. 

- Who you are inside is what helps you make and do everything in life. 

- Solitude is different from loneliness, and it doesn't have to be a lonely kind of thing. 

- You rarely have time for everything you want in this life, so you need to make choices. And hopefully, your choices can come from a deep sense of who you are. 

- All life events are formative. All contribute to what we become, year by year, as we go on growing. As my friend the poet Keneth Koch once said, "You aren't just the age you are. You are all the ages you ever have been!"

- I believe it's a fact of life that what we have is less important than what we make out of what we have. The same holds true for families. It's not how many people there are in a family that counts, but rather the feelings among the people who are there. 

- To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now. 

- It always helps to have people we love beside us when we have to do difficult things in life. 

- Mutually caring relationships require kindness and patience, tolerance, optimism, joy in the other's achievements, confidence in oneself, and the ability to give without undue thought of gain. 

- Each one of us contributes in some unique way to the composition of life.

- I believe that infants and babies whose mothers give them loving comfort whenever and however they can are truly the fortunate ones. I think they're more likely to find life's times of trouble manageable, and I think they may also turn out to be the adults most able to pass loving concern along to the generations that follow after them. 

- You bring all you ever were and are to any relationship you have today. 

- Imaging something may be the first step in making it happen, but it takes the real time and real efforts of real people to learn things, make things, turn thoughts into deeds or visions into inventions.

- There is no normal life that is free of pain. It's the very wrestling with our problems that can be the impetus for our growth. 

- As human beings, our job in life is to help people realize how rare and valuable each one of us really is, that each of us has something that no one else has - or ever will have - something inside that is unique to all time. It's our job to encourage each other to discover that uniqueness and to provide ways of developing its expression.

- Anyone who does anything to help a child is a hero to me. 

- We want to raise our children so that they can take a sense of pleasure in both their own heritage and the diversity of others. 

- When you combine your own intuition with a sensitivity to other people's feelings and moods, you may be close to the origins of valuable human attributes such as generosity, altruism, compassion, sympathy, and empathy. 

- Spend one minute thinking of someone who has made a difference in the person you have become. 

-As you play together in a symphony orchestra, you can appreciate that each musician has something fine to offer. Each one is different though, and you each have a different "song to sing." When you sing together, you make one voice. That's true of all endeavors, not just musical ones. Finding ways to harmonize our uniqueness with the uniqueness of others can be the most fun - and the most rewarding - of all.

- Who in your life has been such a servant to you...who has helped you love the good that grows within you? Let's just take ten seconds to think of some of those people who have loved us and wanted what was best for us in life - those who have encouraged us to become who we are tonight - just ten seconds of silence. 
    No matter where they are - either here or in heaven - imagine how pleased those people must be to know that you thought of them right now. 
     We all have only one life to live on earth. And...we have the choice of encouraging others to demean this life or to cherish it in creative, imaginative ways. 

- If you could only sense how important you are to the lives of those you meet; how important you can be to the people you may never even dream of. There is something of yourselves that you leave at every meeting with another person. 

- Whether we're a preschooler or a young teen, a graduating college senior, or a retired person, we human beings all want to know that we're acceptable, that our being alive somehow makes a difference in the lives of others.

- The real issue in life is not how many blessings we have, but what we do with our blessings. Some people have many blessings and hoard them. Some have few and give everything away. 

- The purpose of life is to listen - to yourself, to your neighbor, to your world and to God and, when the time comes, to respond in as helpful a way as you can find...from within and without. 

- The world needs a sense of worth, and it will achieve it only by its people feeling that they are worthwhile. 

- In The Little Prince there is a phrase, "L'essential est invisible pour les yeux." (What is essential is invisible to the eyes.) The closer we get to know the truth of that sentence, the closer I feel we get to wisdom. 

- I find out more and more every day how important it is for people to share their memories. 

-  Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping. 

Deliberate Acts of Kindness - Book Notes

Recently I read Deliberate Acts of Kindness by Meredith Gould. 

The author examined how service is a spiritual practice. Below are some points from the book that I found interesting: 

Eight Degrees of Tzedakah

1. To give grudgingly, reluctantly, or wit hregret;

2. To give less than one should, but with grace;

3. To give what one should, but only after being asked;

4. To give before one is asked;

5. To give without knowing who will receive it, although the recipient knows the identity of the giver;

6. To give without making known one's identity;

7. To give so that neither giver nor receiver knows the identity of the others;

8. To help another to become self-supporting, by means of a gift, a loan, or by finding employment for the one in need.

"Faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead," wrote James in an epistle to members of the early church.

Buddhists...practice generosity, morality, renunciation, patience, truthfulness, determination, loving-kindness, and evenmindedness.

List what you think are totally perfect ways for you to serve, letting reason and logic dictate your choices. 

Ask yourself: "What sort of person would I like to become?"

"Fill yourselves first and then only will you be able to give to others." St. Augustine

Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs

- LEVEL 1 - Physiological Needs - air, water, food, clothing, shelter, sleep

- LEVEL 2 - Safety and Security Needs - order, stability, certainty, routine, familiarity, protection from fear and disease, physical safety, economic security, freedom from threat

- LEVEL 3 - Social Needs - love, acceptance, belonging, affection

- LEVEL 4 - Esteem Needs - respect and recognition from others, self-respect, a sense of prestige

- LEVEL 5 - Self-Actualization Needs - peak experiences, fulfilling a sense of self and calling, opportunities for learning and creating at higher levels

Grant us ears to hear,
Eyes to see,
Wills to obey,
Hearts to love; 
Then declare what you will, 
Reveal what you will, 
Command what you will,
Demand what you will. 
- Christina Rossetti

While it may seem only logical to serve the homeless if you've been homeless, counsel battered women if you've been one, or to do hospice work if you've watched a loved one die without dignity, you may not be emotionally ready to serve in these ways.

As you behold evidence of tragedy, waste, abuse, and simple ignorance in people's lives get into the habit of asking yourself: What would make a difference? How could I make a difference? 

Combine service work for others with R&R for yourself by looking into volunteer gigs at museums, theaters, concert halls, nature preserves, or community playgrounds. 

"The way you begin to change the world is through service." Martin Luther King, Jr.

The Gig is Right for You If...

- You not only respect but like people in charge - their values, dedication, and human decency.

- You feel immediately at home with other volunteers, sensing they're exactly the kind of folk with whom you want to spend time. 

- You experience a sense of satisfaction despite whatever frustrations and disappointments quickly - or gradually - emerge. 

The Gig is Wrong for You If...

- You feel entirely too overwhelmed by the enormity of what needs to be done. 

- You can't help but notice that everyone is a heck of a lot nicer to those being served than they are to anyone on the volunteer staff. 

- You not only start dreading the prospect of showing up, but you unconsciously - or consciously - act out by arriving late or calling in sick or too busy.

"Charity begins at home." - Terence

Agree to serve on a trial basis. Establish a mutually acceptable period of time to check out the setting, staff, and other volunteers. Committing to at least one month and preferably three will give you - and them - an opportunity to experience the match. 

Do all the good you can,
by all the means you can,
in all the ways you can,
in all the places you can, 
all the times you can, 
to all the people you can, 
as long as you can.
- John Wesley

Start a prayer journal when you begin a new type or place of service. Note what you're being called upon to do and record any thoughts, feelings, and attitudes that emerge as a result. 

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love, 
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy. 
O divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek 
To be consoled, as to console, 
To be understood, as to understand, 
To be loved, as to love, 
For it is in giving that we receive; 
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying that we are born to eternal life. 
- St. Francis of Assisi

"Compassion is the only source of energy that is useful and safe." Thich Nhat Hanh 

Model loving self-care by canceling your appearance and staying home when you have a splitting headache, drippy nose, moist cough, or fever. One of your gifts to the world should not be your germs. Showing up sick is not heroic, it's inconsiderate. 

If you can't seem to arrive on time, something else - like resistance - is going on. Maybe you're in the wrong environment entirely. 

You were led to the perfect place to doing as well as being, and now you're deep into wondering: "Is it still God's grace if I hate it?" What happened? This divinely inspired service gig is not the slightest bit illuminating, it's more heart-hardening than opening, and for sure you are not having fun. Unfortunately, you're also beginning to love watching lots of incredibly stupid TV because it takes your mind off the nonsense that goes on in the name of serving others. You're feeling lousy physically, never fully able to share the dull headache...Welcome to the shadow side of service. 

Every six months, take the time to reassess what you are doing and where.

Boundaries are the limitations you set on what you perceive as insensitive behavior coming from others. The more firm the boundary, the greater your protection.

Establish a healthy separation between private and public worlds by creating a ritual to mark your entrance into and departure from service situations. 

"We must be the change we wish to see in the world." Gandhi

Do not underestimate the stress of being around a lot of noise from people, equipment, traffic, and natural disasters. The best antidote to noise is silence. Make sure you eliminate or at least significantly reduce all aural stimulation as soon as you can. Listen to soothing music on your way home. Once home, turn the phone, television, and other noise off. You need a period of silent "down time" to calm body, soul, and spirit after a tough day of giving. 

10,001 Ways to Live Large on a Small Budget - Book Notes

 10,001 Ways to Live Large on a Small Budget by the Writers of Wise Bread did, indeed, have a lot of ideas for saving money. However, many I am already doing or they did not relate to my life. 

There were a handful of ideas, though, that I thought were interesting and relevant to events coming up in my life, or that I didn't know including:

- Leftover coffee can be made into frozen coffee cubes. When you do frozen coffee drinks, you can use these frozen cubes so it doesn't dilute the strength of the beverage.

- Take photos of your travel documents and send them to yourself via email. If anything unfortunate happens to the actual documents, you will save a lot of time, hassle, and money by having that information readily available.

- Stretch and strengthen your hamstrings. With more sitting, the hamstrings don't get the stretching or exercise they need. If you suffer from lower back pain, knee problems, hip aches, ankle soreness - all of these can be tied to weak and/or tight hamstrings. 

- For parties (like a graduation party) - do a dessert party or serve ice cream with a variety of toppings. Limit liquids - serve lemonade or a limited number of soft drinks rather than lots of combinations. 

- Accessorize events with flowers from club or warehouse stores. They are cheaper there.

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning - Book Notes

 A few months ago, a local pastor wrote an article about a book he read - The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning - How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson. 

The author talked about the importance of keeping an orderly home while still living. She said that hunting for misplaced things is never an effective use of one's time. 

However, the main focus of the book was going through one's home and all the possessions within it - keeping what is necessary and letting everything else go. The goal is to make the job easier for those who will be left behind after you die. There will be substantially fewer things that need to be gone through, saving one's children or other family members time. 

The other take-away from this book is the importance of sharing items while you are still alive. You can choose items that no longer serve a purpose for you and gift them to someone else who may need them. 

Of all the things that will need to be gone through, photos should come last. They don't take up much space and, generally, children don't resent going through photos since they bring back memories - hopefully, good ones.

Other ideas from the book:

- Scan slides and download them onto your computer. Create a USB memory stick for family members who would appreciate the images.

- Take photos and sort them into envelopes for different people. Present them at a family gathering so everyone can take a look at them and reminisce. By doing this, "You do not have to carry the weight of all those memories by yourself, and you are less likely to get stuck in the past." 

- Put in a shoe-size box small things that are important to you and have meaning and good memories of special days and happenings associated with them, but that would not mean anything to anyone else. Label it "Throw Away" - there's no need for anyone to go through the box after you die.

- Keep a small book with all your passwords in it so you can get access to everything you want on your computer. Eventually, this is also for family members to find what they need on your computer.

- Write down the story behind things - like desks, other pieces of furniture, or special dishes. This takes the item from being ordinary to extraordinary.

- Ask yourself, "Will anyone I know be happier if I save this?" If not, then let it go.

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning had many valuable ideas and insights. It is a good reminder that doing this is "so that your children and other loved ones will not have to deal with all your stuff...And if you start early, at say 65, it won't seem like such a huge task." 

The author concluded her book by saying, "One's own pleasure, and the chance to find meaning and memory, is the most important thing. It is a delight to go through things and remember their worth." 

The Zero Point Agreement - Book Notes

The Zero Point Agreement - How to Be Who You Already Are by Julie Tallard Johnson is a book I discovered on Goodreads. 

A person I know read it and it looked intriguing. There is a lot of good information in it and I'm glad she posted that she was reading it. Below are the parts of the book I found relevant to me and/or that I wanted to remember.

- We can't follow someone else's hero path. We must pave our own paths through life. We can of course borrow from those who we discern have gone successfully before us, like Christ or Buddha, or poet and pacifist William Stafford, or author and environmentalist Aldo Leopold, who each paved their own way.

- Creativity, inspiration, and all that goes into living a meaningful life come, too, from our ability to distance ourselves from all that limits the expression of our free will.

- When someone or something outside ourselves directs our choices and experiences, we are not living life from our side and we are held captive by this limitation. When limited by our perceived choices for a prolonged stint of time, we become uninspired.

- An enduring lack of inspiration can lead to giving up, addiction, depression, hopelessness, and helplessness. We then get held back, too, by blaming others for our lack of happiness or success.

- People often create their life works from what they want but do not have - like how Jane Austen wrote of romantic love but lacked it in her life. Many poets write about what they long for. 

- Let go of the "right and wrong," the dogma, or someone else's way and walk your own life. Write your own story. Paint in your own way. 

Out beyond ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing

There is a field

I will meet you there.

- Rumi, 13th century Persian poet

- When we experience ourselves as separate from natural phenomena, from each other, and from ourselves, we tend to "cover up" with the false self. The false self is made up of our pain stories and outdated myths and underlying assumptions, agreements, and beliefs that are linked to our past. 

- An undisciplined mind, an inability to stay focused, makes you vulnerable to internal and external distractions. These distractions can ultimately lead you away from your creative and spiritual intentions. 

- Everyone knows their calling - it boils down to listening to the call and following it, rather than getting lost in all the distractions.

- Make your own Bible. Select and collect all the words and sentences that in all your readings have been to you like the blast of a trumpet. (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

Your beliefs become your thoughts,

your thoughts become your words,

your words become your actions,

your actions become your habits,

your habits become your values,

your values become your destiny.

- Mahatma Gandhi

- In Buddhist practices, we hold ourselves accountable for how we respond to our circumstances.

I think, at a child's birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother 

to endow it with the most useful gift, 

that gift would be curiosity.

- Eleanor Roosevelt

- To see the new story that may be offering itself up to you (or that is calling to you), you have to release old stories about how things are supposed to be or look. 

There is no passion to be found playing small - 

in settling for a life that is less than the one you are capable of living.

- Nelson Mandela

- We settle for the comfort in the routine, for what feels familiar, for what we know. Sometimes we settle for what someone else wants for us. Every time we want to create something new, leave behind some old way of being, or challenge ourselves to try something different - resistance arises and we find ourselves on this slippery slope of settling. 

- If you are not moving toward your dream, you are settling. So if you claim that nothing out of the ordinary calls to you - you are probably settling. 

- Most of us have settled. Maybe not entirely, but in part we have given our time and resources to something or someone that is less than what we want or, more importantly, what we are capable of. We lie to ourselves and say that "this is enough" or "I need to give this more time." 

- We settle for less in ourselves and then in others and miss the fulfillment of a vision.

- Dare to give ourselves more time to be creative or dare ourselves to do something larger like change vocations. 

What you are comes to you.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson 

- The happiest among us are those of us who take risks and are loyal to our spiritual (ethical) and creative commitments no matter the results.

 Depression is based on our interpretations of our life situations, our circumstances, 

our self-conceptions. We get depressed for not being the person we want to be. 

We get depressed when we think we have not been able to 

achieve the things that we want to achieve in life. 

- Traleg Kyabgon

- Depression is not about you. It affects everyone around you, including your larger community. Self-absorption is not a cure and will result in an even greater sense of isolation.

- Life is constantly in motion and changing, and when we hold on to an old story that is no longer even possible, depression can take root.

- A person who is depressed and angry....they are leaving a large part of their life unlived. Their antidote is simple (but not easy): they need to activate their creative life - take that class, bring out the guitar, write that book, or hold more conversations and take more trips. They need to commit to the active creative life and do so in the open. 

- Antidotes to depression: spend time outside in a natural environment. Watch Off the Map.

- A troublemaker can be a person, situation, or event that presents us with some difficulty. When a troublemaker shows up in your life, you have the opportunity to let it pull you away from your creative intentions or use it in your creative and spiritual pursuits. 

- Let go of the opinions of others. Typically the threats made by a bully include ruining others' opinions of you, whether explicitly or implicitly. So when you can let go of others' opinions as being meaningful to you, a better fate awaits you. 

Public opinion is a weak tyrant compared with our own private opinion. 

What a man thinks of himself, that is what determines, or rather, indicates his fate. 

- Henry David Thoreau

- The illusion is that "when I get this I will be happy." The focusing illusion includes putting our happiness on outward objects and circumstances and typically looks into the future. There is a lack of creativity involved because we are putting our energy in an illusionary state of when.  This illusion forgoes living life from your side because the focus of your happiness is on something outside of yourself.

Most people believe that they would be happier if they were richer, 

but survey evidence on the subject of well-being is largely inconsistent with that belief. 

- Daniel Kahneman

- If we work hard all day and then give nothing to our spiritual or creative life, or to our relationships for that matter, everyone suffers. 

- Clutter is often a manifestation of this agreement to put our creative life on hold. As the piles of paper, waste, and stuff accumulate, it gives us more and more things we have to get to before we can get to our creative lives. Then, the door closes and it is too late.

Good artists copy; great artists steal.

- Pablo Picasso

- You can't live the creative life without borrowing from the dead, or from the living. You must steal shamelessly from those who came before you and those around you now. Then you must make it your own. In making the materials you own you get what you want - a personal and direct experience that is both creative and spiritual.

- A large part of my life's work is to leave behind a truly rich compost pile for those who will live off my life. Whatever we leave behind makes up our compost. Our books, our art, our ideas, our children, our teachings, our attitude, our beliefs, our legacies all go into our life's compost. 

- Stealing is different from just copying or plagiarizing others. When you copy, you haven't put yourself into it.

- If we only duplicate what inspires us, nothing truly creative will come of it. Steal what inspires you, then do something inspirational with this association. Make it your own somehow. 

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. 

- Albert Einstein 

- Read Steal Like an Artist by Austin Kleon. 

- Spiritual activism is the creative act of showing up in intimate and open conversations with everything around you.

- Treating every conversation and interaction as if it were our last invites us to invest more in what we say, and in what we don't say, to each other. 

- Have some kind of daily practice (journaling, walking) that reinforces your creative and spiritual life. Don't waste this precious lifetime by putting things off or ignoring the daily call to be active in your spiritual and creative life. Remember, none of us know the day or hour of our death. So let's not be frivolous with the remarkable opportunity of this day. 

Book Notes - Witness

During the past week, I read the book Witness - Lessons from Eli Wiesel's Classroom. The book was written by Ariel Berger. This book had a lot of interesting stories and quotes, but I was not as impressed with it as I had hoped. There were too many stories by the author about his own life which I found distracting from why I wanted to read the book in the first place: to hear Eli's view on life and his experience as a Holocaust survivor.

Eli Wiesel is best known for his Holocaust testimony and for the universal lessons he has from his experience of this tragedy. In May 1944, Eli was deported with his family to Auschwitz. His mother and younger sister were murdered upon arrival, Eli and his father endured forced labor and then forced to march to Buchenwald where his father died. American soldiers liberated the camp on April 29, 1945. Eli was 16.

When asked how he kept going after the Holocaust and how he didn't give up, Eli said that it was due to learning. "Before the war, I was studying a page of Talmud and my studies were interrupted. After the war, when I wrote to the orphanage in France, my first request was for this same volume so that I could continue my studies from the same page, the same line, the same spot where I had left off. Learning saved me." 

He encouraged everyone to tell their stories because if even one person learns from it - how to be more human - you have made your memories into a blessing. We must turn our suffering into a bridge so that others might suffer less.

History is a narrow bridge. We have different memories of the trauma in our memories. We try to forget, and, in truth, some things we must forget a little bit simply in order to function. And yet, if we truly allow ourselves to forget, history may well return to us.

Never allow anyone to be humiliated in your presence.

Moral education tells people what they need to hear, even when it is painful. When moral education works, students investigate and embrace new ways of thinking. They learn new habits of questioning and ultimately find a deeper sense of common humanity. Students who experience this become sensitized to suffering. They read the news differently. They are no longer able to pass a homeless person on the street without offering at least a smile. You speak up when they overhear a bigoted word or see a bully, Inaction is no longer an option.

If you look away from suffering, you become complicit, a bystander. Silence never helps the victims, only the victimizers.

Faust's dilemma is that without knowledge we are nothing but with knowledge,we are dangerous. It depends what you do with that knowledge - gratify the darkest impulses or help your fellow man.

Hatred is a kind of cancer, and unlike anger, it serves no purpose.

Once you bring life into the world, you must protect it by trying to make the world better. Our children show us the connection between ethics and beauty - that it is beautiful to make the world more human.

Small moments make a big difference.

Modest acts of kindness are more significant than we recognize. It does not have to be newsworthy. You just need to look out for the outstretched hand. You just need to touch one person every day with compassion.

The question is: How real are other people to you? Do you feel their suffering? Does it actually keep you up at night? We need to find a balance between sleep and paralysis. Start with one person. A person is not an abstraction. Don't just write a check. Help them with something. Help them somehow with your own effort. Your own energy. Buy them food and bring it to them. Help them find shelter. Speak to them. Take the time to really speak and listen.

You must turn hate into something creative, something positive. If you are a teacher, you turn it into good teaching. If you write, turn it into good writing. Express what you feel and not the hate.

In Auschwitz, a woman named Roza Robota smuggle grains of dynamite under her fingernails for weeks in order to collect enough to bomb the crematorium. She and others were responsible for the revolt in October 1944. She and three other women were hanged and executed. They shouted a biblical phrase: Be strong and of good courage.

In 1945, Jews came out of ghettos and forests. The partitions had guns. They could have set the world on fire. It didn't happen. With very few exceptions, they did not seek revenge. They sought victory through life. Survivors as a group have advocated hope, not despair. Generous generosity, not bitterness. Gratitude, not violence. They chose to help families to rebuild decimated communities, to become philanthropists and doctors to find a way to help others. That is the revenge of the survivors: new life, new families, new communities helping others making the world better.

When two people come together to listen, to learn from each other, there is hope. This is where humanity begins with peace. Begin where dignity begins - in a small gesture of respect in listening. Hope is a gift we give to one another.

It means learning, thinking higher, and feeling deeper, always challenging yourself to dive into the great texts, stories, and ideas in search of wisdom.

Our Only Home - Book Notes

I recently read Our Only Home by Dalai Lama and Franz Alt. It's a short book so it's a quick read. It is set up in an interview format with Franz Alt asking questions and Dalai Lama answering them. 

One question that stood out was, "You suggest planting trees for the future and for peace. Why is that so important?" 

Dalai Lama answered, "Trees have been our companions through history and they remain important today. They purify the air for living beings to breathe. Their shade provides a refreshing place to rest and serves as a place for insects and birds to live. They contribute to timely rainfall, which nourishes crops and livestock and balances the climate. They create an attractive landscape, pleasing to the eye and calming for the mind, and continually replenish their surroundings. Properly managed, they are also a source of economic prosperity. 

"When the environment becomes damaged and polluted, oceans and lakes lose their cool and soothing qualities, so the creatures depending on them are disturbed. The decline of vegetation and forest cover causes the earth's bounty to decline. Rain no longer falls when required, the soil dries and erodes, and forest fires rage. We all suffer the consequences, whether we are ants in the jungle or human beings in cities."

He spoke more about how trees fit into the context of Buddhism and how Tibetan monasteries in Tibet and India have been cultivating tree plantations over the past few decades.

"The longing for nature and green is ingrained in us. Human beings love green so much that they plant more and more trees in our cities and towns, and even trees on the roofs. When you spend time in the forest and hear birds singing, you feel good inside. The healing power of forests is becoming increasingly important. When we are surrounded by artificial things, it's harder to be peaceful. It's as if we begin to be artificial; we develop hypocrisy, suspicion, and distrust. In that state it's hard to develop genuine, warmhearted friendship. 

"We all feel the need to be surrounded by life. We need life around us that grows, flourishes and thrives....We all love our technology. But our relationship with plants and nature is inextricably very old and very deep."

In another answer about nature, Dalai Lama said, "Nature is sacred to us. Nature is our true home. We humans come from nature. We can live without religion, but not without nature. Therefore, I say that environmental ethics are more important than religion. If we keep destroying nature as we are doing today, we will not survive."

He also addressed intensive animal husbandry. "We humans can live largely without or with little meat. And above all without animal suffering - in particular in our modern world, where we have many alternatives, especially fruits and vegetables....Intensive animal husbandry has serious consequences not only for animals, but also for man's health, the soil, insects and the air." 

He continued, "Many consumers want to reduce meat consumption in order to protect the climate, but also to alleviate animal suffering caused by factory farming."

The Wit and Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln - Book Notes

Recently, I read The Wit and Wisdom of Abraham Lincoln - A Treasury of Quotations, Anecdotes, and Observations by James Humes. 

The quotes were divided by subject which made it easy to understand the context in which the quote was said. There were many things that Abraham Lincoln said that I had not heard before. Some include:

- I say "try" - if we never try, we shall never succeed.

- Character is like a tree and reputation like its shadow. The shadow is what we think of it - the real thing is the tree.

- He has the right to criticize who has the heart to help.

- All that I am or hope to be I owe to my angel mother.

- When I hear a man preach, I like to see him act as if he were fighting bees.

- I shall meet with some terrible end. 

- Leave nothing for tomorrow which can be done today.

- I always assume my audiences are wiser than I am, and I say the most sensible thing I can to them and I never found that they did not understand me.

- Don't shoot too high [when public speaking]. Aim low and the common people will understand you. 

- If we could know first where we are and whither we are tending we could better judge what to do and how to do it. 

- The pioneer in any movement is not generally the best man to carry that movement to a successful issue. It was so in the old times: Moses began the emancipation of the Jews, but didn't take Israel to the Promised Land after all. He had to make way for Joshua to complete the work.

- If we cannot give freedom to every creature, let us do nothing that will impose slavery upon any other creature. 

- Wealth is a superfluity of things we don't need.

Another section of the book was devoted to different things that related to Lincoln's life or appearance - such as his beard or hat, or actions or situations that he was in. Some of the information about Abraham Lincoln that I found interesting included:

- Lincoln, unlike contemporary politicians, employed no speechwriter. 

- Lincoln's humility was rooted in an awareness of his and any man's limitations.

- If the log cabin birth and violent death frame his life, the warm colors of his honesty and humanity constitute the picture. 

- Lincoln's silk stovepipe hat was part of his office. It served as his desk when he would jot notes on its flat top and also his file drawer where he would keep his datebook, checkbook, and letters. When he would think of an idea, he would scribble it on a piece of paper and then insert it in the hatband. 

Raccoons - Outdoor Hour Challenge

This week, Olivia and I focused on studying raccoons for our nature study. We used some of the ideas from the Outdoor Hour Challenge that were posted back in 2009, but never did at that time. We also added some of our own activities.

Watch videos about raccoons.

We watched this one - Raccoons: Amazing Animals. Raccoons are opportunistic omnivores. They have very sensitive paws. There are seven species of raccoons, and most live between 2-5 years. That's such a short life!

We also watched this one - Raccoon demonstrates problem-solving skills. Rascal, the raccoon, shows how it can remember how to open a variety of locks to get through three compartments to receive treats and eventually leave the plexiglass tunnel. 

We also watched Raccoon Nation and some of the short clips from the episode. The "First Night Out" one was interesting as a mother and her young raccoons went out and about. As dawn approaches, they need to find a hiding spot for the day. We learned that raccoons can collapse their backs to fit into smaller quarters. 

Also on Raccoon Nation was "Filming Raccoons is Hard" which shows the difficulties of getting videos and pictures of raccoons at night. 

Read from the Handbook of Nature Study.

“None other of our little brothers of the forest has such a mischievous countenance as the coon. The black patch across the face and surrounding the eyes like large goggles, and the black line extending from the long, inquisitive nose directly up the forehead give the coon’s face an anxious expression; and the keenness of the big, beady, black eyes and the alert, “sassy” looking, broadly triangular ears, convince one that the anxiety depicted in the face is anxiety lest something that should not be done be left undone; and I am sure that anyone who has had experience with pet coons will aver that their acts do not belie their looks.”

                                                        -Handbook of Nature Study, pages 247-248

Read pages 247-250 in the Handbook of Nature Study about the raccoon. 

“The raccoon lives in hollow trees or caves along the banks of streams. It sleeps during the day and seeks its food at night. It sleeps during the winter.”

Do supplemental reading in The Burgess Animal Book for Children by reading Story 31. 

This story is called Bobby Coon and integrates facts about raccoons into the story. We learned some facts about raccoons including:

- they are nocturnal animals. 

- they are wasteful eaters, especially when it comes to corn in cornfields.

- they are related to the bear family. 

- the hindfoot shows the whole foot - including the heel and toes. It resembles a bear's footprint, but on a smaller scale.

- they eat eggs, young chickens, anything with flesh, fish, frogs, fruit, nuts, and insects.

- they like to wash their food before eating it.

- they give birth to more than one baby at a time.

- after the first snowfall, they typically hibernate in hollow trees.

- they can climb trees and move from treetop to treetop, if they are close together.

- they are most closely related to animal that is known by many different names: the Bassaris, the Civet Cat, the Coon Cat, or Cacomixtile. This animal lives in the far Southwest or the mountains of the West. This is what they look like: 

Neither Olivia nor I had ever heard of the Bassaris, so reading this children's story was worthwhile. We learned something new.

Learn some facts about raccoons on the Adirondack Ecological Center's website.

The AEC has interesting facts about raccoons that we enjoyed reading.

Spend 10-15 minutes outdoors on a nature walk. 

Raccoons hibernate in the winter so there will be little chance of actually observing one this week. Instead, look for any animal tracks in the snow or mud. Keep your eyes out for any mammal that comes your way this week.

We didn't do the nature walk because we knew that there would be no raccoons. It's easier for us to see them on the trail cam. 

Additional resources for this challenge:
Raccoon coloring page
Raccoon information from Nature Works
Raccoon tracks

This is Olivia's nature journal page: 

God is at Eye Level - Photography as a Healing Art (Book Notes)

A book that was recommended as part of the photography course I took last year was God is at Eye Level - Photography as a Healing Art by Jan Phillips. 

There was a lot of good information and quotes as well as reflection activities to do. Below are some things I found most interesting in the book: 

- Each snapshot was a story, calling on my imagination to fill it out, find my place in it, take my lesson from it.

- Many of us have the technical know-how and creative eye to shoot and print photographs every bit as stunning as those in galleries and photo books. The question is, are we doing it? Are we creating a body of work and putting it out there for people to see?

- No one in the world can make the same photograph of a person as I make, for the image my camera records reflects the relationship between me and the person on the other side of the lens.

- Each of us holds in our memory images that have affected us, changed our way of thinking, moved us to laughter, to tears, to action. Some of us are who we are today, doing what we are doing, because a photograph moved us in that direction. 

- The root meaning of the word document is docere, "to teach." Whether we are documenting the evolution of our families or the revolution of a third-world country, the images we make are teaching tools. 

- When we set out to document something, we are tasked with revealing the essence, the true spirit of it, as we see it and feel it in our bones.

- Photography heals because it reveals this essence within things. In the process of looking, finding, framing, shooting, all one's energies are focused purely. 

- I'd photograph people, places, events that had meaning and joy I didn't want to lose sight of. Photographing meant I could keep an image to savor later, reflect on, find myself in when I was lost.

- As I improved in the craft, another voice came along, whispering, "Share this." 

- There is no need to hold onto photographs that do not shed light,  bring joy, tell a story, evoke an emotion, reveal a person's inner beauty, capture an important moment in time, or reflect a piece of the world that touches my heart.

- It is entirely up to me to throw photographs away if I am not satisfied with how well they meet my standards.

- Photographs provide evidence that our lives have meant something. They show our relationships with people, the places we've traveled, the events we've celebrated and honored. Of all the things that happen to us in the course of our lives, the most important get photographed. Photos are our autobiography, a way of telling the tale of who we are.

- What images are we gathering of events, large and small that mark the passage of our lives? How an we, as photographers, document the history of our families, our lives, our communities in a way that shows what matters to us, what forces bring us together?

- It is an easy thing to produce as a slide show of music, images, and words that portray the unfolding of a group's mission and values. Giving back to people a reflection of themselves in action, giving service, living out their faith or their commitments, is a tremendous gift. ANd it heals us to make these images, to place ourselves in the context of compassion and service, to bring to the table our gifts of visual discernment and delight.

- Like those who teach what they need to learn, we must photograph what we need to see. 

- The healing aspect of photography is that it often leads us to those moments of togetherness, drawing us to those people whose spirit attracts us for some reason - and we come away with a picture of the kindness of people and the yearning that we all have to be truly seen by another.

- Include stories when you exhibit photographs. THey add breadth and dimension to a visual that can very well stand on its own. The stories we tell about our pictures can extend their reach, bring to light new ways of bridging the distance from one person to another. 

QUOTES

- I have always taken pictures the way people keep journals and diaries. It's a way of ordering my reactions to the world, of placing my ideas and feelings in a concrete form outside myself, of breaking my isolation. (Diana Michener)

- Every creative person has a second date of birth, and one which is more important than the first: that on which he discovers what his true vocation is. (Brassai)

- Find something you like to do. Learn to do it well, and do it in the service of the people. (Karlene Faith)

- The ultimate aim of the quest must be neither release nor ecstasy for oneself, but the wisdom and power to serve others. (Joseph Campbell)

- The work of art which I do not make, none other will ever make it. (Simone Weil)

BOOKS TO READ

The Enduring Navaho - shows Laura Gilpin's photos when she was 77 years old.

RESOURCES

Syracuse Cultural Workers  - syrculturalworkers.org

International Women's Writing Guild - iwwg.com

Creative Education Foundation - cef-cpsi.org

The Foundation for Women - foundationforwomen.org

REFLECTIONS/PHOTOGRAPHY ACTIVITIES TO DO

- Try to remember the activities you turned to as a child when you felt lonely and out-of-sorts. Do you do any of these things now? How have you replaced them?

- Make or find a photograph of something that calms you when you see it. Frame the photo and put it wherever you spend the most time in your day. 

- Create a video with your best old and new family photographs. Put them to music and show it at your next family gathering. 

- Imagine that you have one roll of film which to convey your response to an event in your life. Choose an event that carries some emotional weight. How do you represent these emotions in your images? What time of day would be most suitable? What colors come to mind? What objects? 

- Select one of your favorite quotations and illustrate it photographically. When you review your photos, pick the one that works best, enlarge it, and create a poster with your image and the quotation.

- Study some of your favorite photographs. Try to figure out what it is about each that evokes strong feelings in you. Notice their design, texture, composition, color. 

- Pick a subject that has some symbolic value, such as an old oak tree. Shoot it at different times of day and at different apertures. 

- Take your camera on a trip and document the experience. Create a slideshow of your images so you can record and share your adventure. 

- List three things or activities you feel passionate about (e.g., hiking or being out in nature). Choose one and develop a photo essay on some aspect of it. Expand your way of seeing. Look from the bottom up. Look through things. Look from the bird's point of view or the worm's.

- Plan a portrait day for your closest friends. Create a makeshift studio by putting a chair or stool in front of a white wall or a fence or patio door covered with a white sheet. Have your model sit in indirect light rather than in sunlight. Invite your guest to outfit themselves in a way that captures something essential about who they are and to bring whatever props they need to fill out the scene.

- Sort through your body of work and see if any underlying themes surface. What things do you tend to focus on when you photograph? What do your images say about what's going on in the world these days? About what's going on in you? 

- What issues are being discussed in your local community? What images could you make that would reveal your opinion about these issues?

- What attracts your attention when you are in nature? How does it make you feel? Do photographs of these things help you capture that feeling?

- Imagine you have the chance to communicate something important about who you are to someone of great significance, but you can do this only through your photographs. If you had to select 20 images that would say what you wanted to say about who you are, what images would you use?

- Look at the photographs in your home, and see what stories they contain. What do you feel or think of when you pass by them? How do they serve you? 

- Look at the photographs you have on your walls or altars. Take some time with each one to see what healing it offers you. How are you affected by those images?

- Sit down with a few of your photo albums and a wastebasket. As you go through the pages, remove all the photos that are blurry, too dark, too light, not quite right for some reason or another. Take a deep breath; then throw them away.

- Document the rituals that your family engages in - your waking hours, the preparation for school and work, the meals you share, the evening hours, the activities you do for fun and relaxation.

- Create a picture story called "One Square Block." Choose one block in your community and walk around that block during different times of the day just noticing what draws your eye. Photograph whatever is compelling. Consider enlarging and mounting your best images and hanging them in a bank or library or restaurant in your community. 

- Take one of your favorite photographs and write the story that's behind it. Why did you take it? What did it mean to you? What else was going on at the time?

= Find a few images from your childhood that include you and some members of your family. When you are with those family members again, bring out the snapshots and ask each one to tell the story of what was going on for them on the day the photo was taken.

- Ask your children to write a story about themselves based on a few of their early photographs. Put these words and images together into a book, make a cover with a title and their name as the author, and present it to them as a present on some special occasion.

- Give some thought to what the "sacred" is in your life and to the spiritual truths that guide you on your path. Make a photo excursion and gather images that reflect this sense of sacredness and illustrate the essential oneness of all beings. 

The Ultimate Retirement Guide for 50+ (Book Notes)

Being in my mid-50s and having read some of Suze Orman's columns and books, I came across The Ultimate Retirement Guide for 50+. 

There are a lot of good tips which I wish I would have known at a much younger age. She has excellent advice that I can learn from now and that I can share with Sophia and Olivia, even though they are only 18 and 20 years old. 

Below are some of the things I found interesting:

- Fear, shame, and anger are the main obstacles to wealth. They cause youto do the wrong things and miss out on the smart choices that can move us toward our financial goals.

- The only way to conquer fear is through action.

- What I don't think is healthy - emotionally or financially - is when an adult child living in your home doesn't contribute to household costs. This has nothing to do with tough love. This has everything to do with continuing to be the strong, supportive parent who helps guide your children to become their best selves.

- Parents should be directing their money into their retirement savings accounts.

- The money that parents spend on their adult children is money they really should be socking away for their future, yet they can't stop themselves from being the provider. This is an unhealthy financial dynamic.

- Differentiate between financial assistance that helps with kids' needs versus money that funds their wants. 

- Resist co-signing for loans for your adult children. 

- A big problem is the "it's only" syndrome. It's only $100 or $200 a month to help with the rent. It's only an extra $20 a month to keep paying for their cell plan. Add up all the ways, big and small, you continue to provide support to an adult child. See how much "it's only" is costing you every year. 

- A hard no to: helping with a loan for a new car for an adult child, carrying an adult child on your health insurance and cell phone plan, and kicking in money for their vacations.

- If a child needs a car, they should be shopping for a used car that they can pay for with the shortest-term loan possible. 

- If your child is working, they should cover their share of the health premium.

- Consider how reducing your support for others will enable you to achieve your ultimate retirement goals: security and not needing your family to support you later on.

- Make sure you are helping your adult child become financially independent.

- If you reduce your monthly spending by $500 or $1,000 a month today, that's $500 or $1,000 a month you won't need to generate in retirement. 

- Moves to make during your working years:

---Prioritize paying off all debt before you retire.

---Embrace living below your means.

---Save more for retirement...in the right accounts.

---Have a plan to work longer.

---Consider long-term insurance.

- Ditch the landline and use cell phone only.

- Keep FICO score very high keeps auto premiums lower.

- Retirements savings must take precedence over paying for college.

- Spend the least amount you can for a reliable car. If you need to take out a loan, commit to a term that is no longer than 36 months. 

- There are three ways to save money today that you can then use without owing any tax in retirement: a Roth 401(k), a Roth IRA, and Health Savings Account (HSA)

- Plan to work until you are 70.

- Use the Social Security benefit calculator to get an estimate of what you may qualify for: www.ssa.gov/benefits/retirement/estimator.html 

- Visit kerryhannon.com about career transitions and great jobs for those who are 50+ years old.

- Long-term health premiums are lower for those in their 50s and 60s because as you age, a pre-existing health condition could be grounds to deny you coverage. And the longer you wait, the higher your premium will be.

- See suzeorman.com/retirement to learn more about key features to shop for in an LTC insurance policy.

- If you are intent on not moving, make paying off your mortgage before retirement a priority. Tackle remodeling work today that will accommodate the needs of an older version of you.

- If you plan to stay put:

---Pay off the mortgage before you retire. Ideally, pay it off by age 65.

---Be able to pay your essential living costs (e.g., housing, groceries, utilities) guaranteed income (e.g., Social Security, pension payout, an income annuity you purchase at retirement).

---Don't rely on a reverse mortgage to pay the bulk of your expenses.

---Consider whether your home will be socially isolating to an 80+ you.

---Think through whether your home will be physically challenging for an older you (and your friends).

- The steps up to your front door.

- That you must climb stairs to your bedroom

- How you step into the tub to take a shower

- A narrow hall or doorway that doesn't allow a walker or wheelchair through.

- A bedroom on the main floor or a room that can be easily transformed into a bedroom and a bathroom on the main floor with a walk-in shower that has a bench are what allows you to stay in your home longer.

- Look around your home and see how plausible and comfortable it will be to stay in your home if you become ill, arthritic, or injured.

- Changes to make today: better lighting, more light switches, replace throw rugs with wall-to-wall carpet, and professionally-installed grab bars in the bathroom.

- Go to the National Association of Home Builders for their "NAHB aging-in-place remodeling checklist."

- Certified Aging-in-Place Specialist (CAPS) contractors are who you want to do remodeling.

- If you need to borrow money for remodeling, doing it while you are working will be easier to get than when you are retired. Before doing this, you have to look at how much that will eat into your retirement. Moving may just be the best thing you can do to ensure that you have the money you need for your 80s and 90s,

- Contact mortgage lender to ask for an “amortization schedule” that will have your loan paid off by the time you are 65.

- Find more monthly cash flow to put towards your mortgage payment.

- An emergency fund should be large enough to cover your basic living expenses for eight months.

- Aim to spend just 3% of your portfolio in the first year of retirement and then adjust that amount for inflation in subsequent years. 

- Your home is aging too which means more wear and tear on top of the regular maintenance costs. How old are your roof and HVAC system? If your intention is to stay in your home for 20 or more years, the reality is that you will likely have major maintenance expenses.

- Consider what tasks you do today that you might not want to - or be able to - keep doing long into retirement. Snowblowing, gardening, regular housekeeping, and general upkeep.

- A reverse mortgage can create extra income in retirement by using some of your home's equity. The income you receive is tax-free. 

- A reverse mortgage is a bad idea if you need it to cover the majority of your fixed living costs in your 60s and early 70s. Don't use it keep up with rising property tax, insurance, and maintenace; or if you will move in less than 5-10 years. Don't use it for wants (vacations, RVs) or pay off credit card debt. 

- You don't have to repay any of the money on a reverse mortgage while you remain in the house. It is only when you move or die that the borrowed money must be repaid. 

- Think about how your home will work for you when you are 80 or 85. If you can no longer drive or want to drive, is there convenient public transportation, taxis, Uber/Lyft so that you can get around easily? How far do you live from town or friends? 

- In your 60s, keep investing for a long retirement, delay starting Social Security until age 70, and enroll in Medicare and supplemental coverage.

- When one spouse dies, the surviving spouse is entitled to just one Social Security benefit. If you have the high earner delay until age 70, you lock in the highest possible benefit for the surviving spouse.

- Medicare doesn’t cover long-term costs.

- If you don’t have a reliable income stream that can support you for a long life, then you are probably going to make your life and your kids’ lives more difficult.

- Retirement sources that offer guaranteed income: social security, pension, and income annuity that you purchase.

- Focus on a lifetime payout for a guaranteed income. Consider an annuity that will continue at the same level for the surviving spouse.

- Look at deferred income annuities. Buy the annuity today, but don’t start the payouts until a set period of time, such as 5 years or 10 years.

- An income annuity with a cash benefit will pay you a lifetime benefit, but if you die before your total payouts equal the up-front premium you paid, your beneficial will continue to get payments until total payments equal what you paid for the income annuity.

- Do not invest with any company that has any form of a grade with even the letter B.

- Have a separate bear-market emergency fund in retirement that has at least two years of living expenses in it. If you expect that you will not cover all your living expenses from guaranteed income, then keep three years of expenses in super-safe accounts that you can tap whenever you need to and know the money will be there for you.

- Invest equal amounts in five different CDs: 1 year, 2 year, 3 year, 4 year, and 5 year. When the 1 year CD matures, invest it in a new 5 year. You will have a CD maturing each year. That will pay you more interest than if you kept all of your money in a 1-year CD.

- You would need $1 million in order to withdraw $40,000 or 3% in your first year.

- Subtract your current age from 110. That is how much you may want to consider keeping in stocks. Mutual funds accomplish this since they have a variety of stocks in one fund.

- Treasury bonds are the best option for a retirement portfolio. They are the safest type of bonds.

- Must-have documents: a living revocable trust with an incapacity clause; will; advance directive and durable power of attorney for health care; and a financial power of attorney.

- Check all beneficiaries to make sure they are up to date.

- Ask your kids today what they want and spell that out in a will.

- If more than one child wants something, have an open discussion while you are still alive.

- Name an executyor of your will.

- Keep docuemnts in a waterproof and fireproof box that is easy to grab and go at a moment’s notice.

- If the documents are in a bank safe deposit box, make sure the name of trust’s successor trustee (and maybe even one more family member or someone you trust) is also listed on the account.

- Spell out your final wishes. If you don’t want your family to overspend, put that in writing. It will make it so much easier on them.

- Patience and perseverance must prevail in the years to come. When it comes to your money, you have to accept – and expect – that your money will have its ups and downs.