Clouds in December -
looking west as the sun set.
As I get older, one "fear" seems to be persistent and never goes away: the fear of wasting my life.
I'm only given one life (as is everyone else) and I don't want to be old and look back on my life thinking that I didn't use it well.
When I think of the collective hours that I sat in front of the t.v. during my childhood, I think of the hours I will never get back. That being said, I also had a very active childhood with after-school activities and weekend activities almost every night (e.g., Brownies/Girl Scouts, 4-H, dance, piano lessons, CCD [religious education], swimming lessons, volleyball in junior high, Medical Explorer Post, Junior Achievement).
Not all the activities happened each week - some were seasonal that I did each year while others were only for a specific time period (e.g., once a month for one school year). There was also plenty of time to ride my bike; play in the woods and make fort houses; swim in the lake; and take the row boat out around the island.
As an adult, what I want is to create and live a life filled with meaning...with positive impact on people in need, animals, and the environment. I want to know that the activities that I do (at least the majority of them) have some sort of significance. That things that I do matter - either to myself or to others.
So, perhaps, the question for me isn't as much "What do you fear?" as it is "How can you live your life with purpose so your life isn't wasted?"
In that way, I am taking a more proactive, positive direction with what I've been given: life. It's the desire that my life to count for something meaningful and have some positive legacy.
Beginning in September, I'll be participating in a nine-month program called Wellspring. One of my goals in that program is to gain a clearer picture of what I want to do with the balance of my life - determine my true calling and purpose in life; and set goals to reach that point.
By being even more purposeful with my time, it will positively affect Sophia and Olivia. I'm hoping that this upcoming year they too will be inspired to be more focused and set goals for their life.
Living in fear isn't healthy. Living with purpose is. And that's the life I want to lead.