Lost Companions - Reflections on the Death of Pets

After the death of both Eenie and Lucy in the past year, I checked out some books from the library about losing pets and the grief associated with it. Came across Lost Companions - Reflections on the Death of Pets by Jeffrey Moussaieff Masson. 

For the most part, this book focused on the loss of pets and the grieving process. There also was a section that offered ideas for paying tribute to pets who have died from a variety of pet owners. 

What was unusual about this book - and felt out of place - were the chapters about animals that are used for human consumption and why people who eat meat should become vegans. It is a worthwhile topic to explore, yet didn't fit with the purpose or theme of this book. 

Despite the fact that there is a dual focus of this book which isn't addressed in the title, there were many worthwhile things that stood out for me follow:

- It is a disorienting and odd feeling to have loved a dog or cat or another animal for so long, and suddenly realize that the end is approaching. This is such a complex feeling that we endure: the knowledge that a period in our life has come to an end; that the animal we have so loved and who has been such an important part of our everyday life, is about to leave us; that soon all we will have left are memories; that we are helpless to prevent what always strikes us as a death too soon. It is different than the impending death of a human companion - we can talk to them, and reminisce, and discuss what is happening. But when a dog feels the end approaching...they turn their eyes to us in a different kind of way. We cannot entirely understand what they are asking, but it breaks our hearts anyway.

Shadow and Lucy. Both have died.

- We know death is coming, and no matter how much we teel ourselves to the inevitable, it comes as a shock.

- The dog or the cat actually looks to the human in a unique way at the moment of death, as if recognizing that this is the final good-bye and aware of the depth of the occasion. 

- Any nonvegetarian is put immediately outside their comfort zone when looking into the eye of a pig or a cow. It is too much like looking into the eye of your neighbor. 

- Dogs have given us their absolute all. We are the center of their universe. We are the focus of their love and faith and trust. They serve us in return for scraps. (Roger Caras)

Montague with the girls probably about a decade or more ago.

- Many people find it unbearable to be present at the final moment with their dog, and they leave the room. What the veterinarian sees then is that the dog frantically looks from face to face of the people present, searching for his own family, and how distressed the dog is at not finding them. We owe our dogs the comfort of seeing us in their last moments, no matter how unhappy it makes us feel.

- It is important to not only be present for the euthanasia at a vet, but to actually hold your animal in your arms as the needle goes in, and look at him or her. Being present is definitely the preferred way to be at this moment. 

- The only reason to take a dog or cat into the vet for euthanasia is when they (not us) are unbearably suffering with absolutely no prospect of cure.

- If you have a dog, you will most likely outlive it; to get a dog is to open yourself to profound joy and, prospectively, to equally profound sadness. (Marjorie Garber)

- Dogs live longer when they are neutered.

- Because dogs and cats stand to us in particular, in a child-adult relationship, losing them is very much like losing a child. 

Sophia and Olivia taking a break on a walk with Montague and Gretel.

Both dogs died many years ago.

- In some sense, the sudden death of a dog or cat seems to go against the natural order. Or rather, that is how it feels to us emotionally. 

- Consider how much time we spend with these animals: the entire time we are at home, we are in their presence. We go for solitary walks with our dogs, sometimes for hours. We may not even realize it, but we confide in them. They never criticize us; they never look at us in disbelief. No human companion is as understanding, as forgiving, as eager to be in your presence. 

- Farm animals all have personalities, and a life worth living, with friends, family, young, and their mates. They are, just like us, invested in living as long as they can, without harm coming to them or their loved ones. 

A pig at a CSA. He and his friends were enjoying playing in the mud.

- Eating (a farm animal's) flesh will hasten our death, and the death of our planet. So, if something is good for you, good for animals, and good for our planet, it should not be difficult to make the decision to move in the direction of not eating animals. 

- Eggs and milk in a supermarket look harmless, but their history is dark and involves violence on a  scale that is almost impossible to imagine. 

- Just as it is unimaginable for us to think of our dogs and cats and parrots as food to be eaten by other humans, so must we make the cognitive and imaginative leap to all animals who are sentient, that is, capable of suffering.

- Something like 3 billion animals (if we include fish) around the world are killed for food every single day. 25 million farm animals are slaughtered every day in the United States. Every year in America, more than 9 billion chickens are killed. 

- Becoming vegan means living in consonance with your beliefs. It can be a great relief. 

- PETA calculates that 198 animals are saved each year for every person who goes vegan. 

- What we have once enjoyed deeply we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us. (Helen Keller) 

Sophia with Eenie (who died) and Danny.

- Before you get a dog, you can't quite imagine what living with one might be like; afterward, you can't imagine living any other way. (Caroline Knapp)

- A dog is totally fixated on you: if you are writing, he is lying at your feet, just waiting for any change of expression to indicate what comes next, for him, and for you. You are his world.

- Adopt a dog, don't buy. 

- In the approximately 14,000 shelters in the United States, about 8 million dogs and cats are "surrendered." Of these, some 2-4 million dogs and cats (22% of dogs and 45% of cats) are euthanized every year from shelters. 

The girls with Casey who was adopted from a shelter in Minnesota.

- A dog has a 50% chance of leaving a shelter alive. In some shelters (pounds, rescue centers, SPCAs) the figure is as terrible as 1 in 10.

- Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal. (from an Irish headstone)

- Rescue a dog on death row. 

- Ways to memorialize your pets:

- create tiles in your kitchen with photos of deceased animal friends

- plant a tree

- put cremation remains in urns and put them on a shelf to see

- bury some askes by a tree

- save the ashes from animal companions throughout your life and have them buried with you when your time is up

- contact an animal communicator after your pet dies

- make a book of his or her life

- over where a pet has been buried, plant bulbs or flowers or a shrub.

- make a hidden garden for a pet. Put a rock with the pet's name on it in the garden

- put the ashes near a statue of St. Francis watching over it. Put a montage of photos next to it

- make a donation in the name of the pet

- a ceremony to give your grief somewhere to reside

- doing a good and lasting deed in honor of your loved animals. 

- A ritual need to replace, and in fact can contribute to, a long-lasting commitment to making the world better for animals. 

- In the end, this is what happens with almost all companion animals: their time to leave us comes long before we are ready to let them go. 

Gretel with the girls in the start of their ice fort.

Gretel died unexpectedly when she was four years old, most likely from a heart issue.

- When a pet dies, some of you goes with him. 

- When you grieve, no matter how deeply, no matter for how long, no matter for whom (dog, cat, bird, horse, sheep, chicken, fish) you are the only expert of your grief, the only person who is entitled to decide when it is over.

- Celebrate your time with your animals, and when the time comes to say good-bye, do it in your own way for as long as you want, and celebrate their lives and the gifts they have bestowed on you.