Year of Yes - Book Notes

 Last month I read Year of Yes - How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun, and Be Your Own Person by Shonda Rhimes. I've enjoyed watching some of the t.v. shows she has written, like Grey's Anatomy and Scandal. 

Despite being very successful, she is an introvert and was saying no to a lot of great opportunities. Basically, there was nothing new to fear. On Thanksgiving 2013, her sister muttered: "You never say yes to anything." It was a wake-up call and then a challenge for Shonda to change her life. She made a commitment to say "Yes" for a year.

There were quite a few things that resonated with me or that I found interesting:

- "If you want crappy things to stop happening to you, then stop accepting crap and demand something more." (Cristina Yang, Grey's Anatomy)

- Time is simply not my friend. My memory is every-so-slowly being replaced by blank spaces. The details of my life are disappearing. The paintings are being stolen off the walls of my brain. 

- Dreams are lovely. But they are just dreams. Fleeting, ephemeral. Pretty. But dreams do not come true just because you dream them. It's hard work that makes things happen. It's hard work that creates change. 

- Ditch the dream. Be a doer, not a dreamer.

- You just have to keep moving forward. You just have to keep doing something, seizing the next opportunity, staying open to trying something new. 

- Find a cause you love. IT's okay to just pick one...and devote some time every week to it. 

- A hashtag does not make you Dr. King. A hashtag does not change anything. It's a hashtag. It's you, sitting on your butt, typing into your computer and then going back to binge-watching your favorite show.

- Volunteer some hours. Focus on something outside yourself.

- Whenever you see me somewhere succeeding in one area of my life, that almost certainly means that I am failing in another area of my life. Something is always lost. Something is always missing.

- Be brave. Be amazing. Be worthy. And every single time you get the chance? Stand up in front of people. Let them see you. Speak. Be heard.

- You can quit a job. I can't quit being a mother. I'm a mother forever. Mothers are never off the clock, mothers are never on vacation. Being a mother redefines us, reinvents us, destroys and rebuilds us. 

- This Yes is about giving yourself the permission to shift the focus of what is a priority from what's good for you over to what makes you feel good.

- In order to do your job well, you need to take care of yourself - inside and out. 

- (Looking at a reflection in the mirror when she was very overweight:) "Who is that?" It actually takes a few seconds for my brain to catch up. for me to realize, with shock, that I am looking at my own reflection. That stranger is me. I don't FEEL good. My knees hurt. My joints hurt. I discover that the reason I am so exhausted all the time is because  I have sleep apnea. I am now on high blood pressure medication.

- Losing yourself does not happen all at once. Losing yourself happens one no at at a time. No to going out tonight. No to catching up with that old college roommate. No to attending that party. No to going on a vacation. No to making a new friend. Losing yourself happens one pound at a time. 

- I felt...old.  "Stop participating in the world" old. "Sit in a chair and watch the world go by" old.

- It's happened so gradually. I am invisible to myself. I think I am maybe invisible to everyone. 

- What do I Say Yes to in order to get healthy?

- I have been saying yes to fatness. Being fat has been easier for me. It has worked for me. 

- I can say yes, I want to be successful at this. I want to be healthy. I want to live a long life for myself and for my children. I want to feel good.

- The only obstacle to your success is your own imagination.

- Men take a compliment and run. They don't make themselves smaller. They don't apologize for being powerful. They don't downplay their accomplishments.

- We are like mirrors. What you are gets reflected back to you. 

- People like being around whole, healthy, happy people.

- The very act of saying yes is not just life-changing, it is lifesaving.

- The years and years of saying no were, for me, a quiet way to let go. A silent means of giving up. An easy withdrawal from the world, from light, from life. Saying no was a way to disappear. Saying no was my own slow form of suicide. 

- No is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation.

- When someone says something petty or nasty, one of those little passive-aggressive things that would usually just pick at me for days, my new response is..."What did you mean by that?" said in a calm voice. It startles them. 

- "You must do the things you think you cannot do." (Eleanor Roosevelt)